Pregnancy after miscarriage

Continuing on from my posts over the last few weeks my next topic I would like to talk about is pregnancy after miscarriage.

As you will know from reading my previous blogs. In September 2015 I suffered a miscarraige, which led me to be hospitalised.

The thought of ever being pregnant again after that experience scared the hell out of me. Would the baby be okay this time? Would I cope with the worry? Could I go through heartbreak again if anything went wrong? So many questions nobody could possibly have the answers to. I think the thought of not having any control over the situation completely terrified me the most.

Well in March 2016 after what I thought to be a sickness bug I caught off of Riley and couldn’t shift I went to the doctors where they told me to do a test (I couldn’t look) had a feel of my tummy and told me I was around 10 weeks pregnant! You have to be kidding me I was out the previous weekend for my best friends birthday and drunk extremely heavily. I was in complete shock and then overcome with guilt what had I done? What damage could I of done to my unborn baby? I didn’t even know I was pregnant due to my PCOS (please refer to my previous post Living With PCOS) my periods where so irregular. I sat infront of the doctor and sobbed. 

After sitting with the doctor for 10 minutes explaining my feelings and her reassuring me and giving me some advice and information on pregancy after miscarriage I felt more positive and left the doctors.

As soon as I left I called Ben (he was working away) and told him our news. He was absolutely over the moon and said he guessed I may of been due to being a dragon the last few weeks. 

When he came home we sat down and talked about our news and explained how I was feeling he was so amazing he seemed to understand where I was coming from, supported me and it was agreed we wouldn’t make our news public until we had our first scan. We just told close family and friends (those that are always there for us). 

Up until we had our first scan I found it extremely hard to feel excited or accept it if I’m honest even though my morning sickness was in full swing. I struggled to even talk about being pregnant with those nearest and dearest to me in case they could sense the lack of excitement in my voice. I just had to keep my wall up in case I’m dealt with heart brake again and I didn’t know if my heart could take it again. I was extremely emotional constantly thinking of the what if’s but I had no control over what happened and all I wanted more than anything was that sense of control.

Ben and my dad was the only ones I really opened up to and in all honestly without them I do feel I would of had a break down. It’s really important to open up to someone, anyone!

There support and everyone else’s was amazing and really helped me get over the feelings I was having but what really helped was going to the hospital for my first scan and the lady tell me our baby was healthy and has a strong heartbeat. The weight that lifted off my shoulders at that very moment words cannot describe. I held Ben’s hand watched our little baby on the screen and saw the little heartbeat flicker and I sobbed my heart out with relief and joy. My wall had finally came crashing down and it sunk in. I was pregnant, I was going to be a mum again, Ben was going to be a dad again and Riley was finally going to be a big brother. 

It finally sunk in we where having a little rainbow baby.

We got our pictures and made a special photo for Riley to finally share our news with him. We was so excited to tell him.

Look at his little face he was so happy to know he was going to be a big brother. I just hope and prayed that nothing went wrong now it was all out in the open.

Our little baby was perfectly fine and healthy my whole pregancy. I didn’t have a easy pregancy (but that’s for another blog).

However I did struggle with my emotions. I was like a yo-yo one minute I was extremely happy and excited and the next I was worrying and scared and trapped in my own thoughts. I felt terrible as I felt I was bringing a downer on our happy occasion for Ben and that made me sad and emotional to. Even if I was Ben didn’t show it and continued to support me throughout. He was sensitive a listening ear honestly I cannot phrase him enough for all he done for me and put up with. He truly was my rock. 

We had a healthy baby girl in November 2016 and she was absolutely perfect and healthy. I finally had our rainbow baby in my arms and I felt like I was never going to let her go. 

If anyone is currently thinking about pregancy after miscarriage you can do it don’t doubt yourself! 

If anyone is currently pregnant with their own rainbow baby firstly congratulations and secondly don’t overthink things you have no control over and talk, talk to your partner, family members, friends and doctors of your feelings and worrys it’s natural to feel the way you do. But most of all enjoy your pregancy and bond with your baby. 


Registry of a baby’s death

Following on from my post last week about my personal experience of miscarrying mine and Ben’s baby. I now want to talk about an issue many parents face in the aftermath of miscarraige, stillborn death or neonatal death.

So in England and Wales you can only register your baby’s death after the 24th week of pregnancy. 

Therefore meaning anyone who loses their baby before the 24th week of pregancy you cannot register the death and therefore your baby’s existence isn’t on record.. it’s like they never existed and this makes me extremely sad. 

The reason this makes me feel sad is because a mother and father can find out the sex of their baby from 16 weeks. From 16 weeks you can know if your having a little boy or a little girl, you can give them a name and in your eyes they are then a proper little person. But in the eyes of the law they are not until after 24 weeks. This needs to change.

I really strongly believe that the law needs to change that from 16 weeks parents can register the death of there baby rather than 24. Parents need to feel that their baby has been recognised and their baby did exist and if future family members trace their family tree that little one will appear future generations will know that baby existed! 

Although I lost my baby at just 7 weeks. I did not have a name and I did not know the sex although I know they existed how can I want the death to be registered when I don’t even know that information? I lost my baby within the first 12 weeks of pregnancy which is thought to be the time in which you are at the highest risk of miscarriage. 

SANDS (Stillbirth & neonatal death charity) works hard supporting families after such a traumatising time and helps educate parents to recognise signs something isn’t right during pregancy. They really are brilliant. If you would like to read more about what they do or make a donation Click here.

This charity also offer a document that can be issued to anyone that has had a loss that cannot be registered.

What are your thoughts on this issue? Have you suffered a loss before 24 weeks, how did you feel about not being able to register you baby’s existence? 



For those that don’t know a miscarriage is the loss of a pregnancy during the first 23 weeks.

I feel miscarraige needs to be spoken about more publicly as for some reason many still see this as a tabo subject. Having personally experienced a miscarraige I hope anyone reading this it gives you some support knowing your not on your own and some useful information.

Miscarriage is actually more common than you realise. According to the NHS website among women who know they are pregnant, it is estimated one in six of these pregnancies end in miscarriage and many more occur before a woman is even aware she is pregnant. 

However having three or more miscarriages in a row (recurrent miscarriages) is uncommon and only affects one in a hundred women.

On the 8th September 2015 exactly two years ago today I miscarried Mine & Ben’s 2nd baby at 7weeks. It was the most heartbreaking situation I have ever been in. Going to what should of been the most happiest time of my life seeing a little baby on the screen turnt into absolute heart break when you are told “I’m extremely sorry but there is no heartbeat”. It’s the most earth shattering news ever. 

I was asked if I wanted to see the screen but I was overcome with grief for my little baby I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was given some information and contact numbers of support groups and told what to expect with passing a miscarriage naturally at home. However this wasn’t to be the case for me. I went home to deal with my grief and at that moment in time all I wanted was to go home and hug Riley (my son) really tight and tell him how much I loved him.

I cried.. ALOT. Blamed myself.. ALOT. Was it something I did? I was overcome with grief and guilt I just wanted to shut the world out. 

Please do NOT ever blame yourself. No one can tell you why a miscarriage exactly happens but doctors believe that most happen because of abnormal chromosomes. 

I was admitted to hospital that night due to the amount of pain I was in and the amount of blood I lost. At hospital I had to have my little baby surgically removed from me (which you are awake for). I was crying my eyes out signing the consent form for them to do the procedure and during the whole procedure for that matter. I lost a large amount of blood and nearly had to have a blood transfusion but luckily the doctors stopped the bleeding. I felt like I was scarred for life and at that time felt I could never go through another pregancy ever again (but I did).

I remember an old lady midwife come to me after the doctor had finished. She reminded me of my Nan. She mothered me, comforted me and was really there for me at the worst time of my life. There was nothing she wouldn’t do to help. A complete stranger to me but a little lady who was just doing her job. I was so vulnerable at this time in my life I felt weak mentally and physically. I could break at any moment but I really feel like I couldn’t of got through that lonely time in hospital without her. She helped clean me up, she gave me a cuddle, let me just cry on her shoulder and she gave me kind words and helped me feel like the world wasn’t against me and I wasn’t alone and it definitely wasn’t my fault. 

All the staff at the Princess Anne Hospital that looked after me that night and day I honestly cannot thank enough. They were kind and sensitive and really helped me open up and provided much needed advice and comfort every woman in that situation needs. Your all an asset to the NHS & if any of them ever get to read this THANK YOU!

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and for whatever reason it was not my time to become a mummy again. Having this outlook on the situation did help give me some comfort and the fact I had absolutely amazing family and friends who went above and beyond for me words can never explain how thankful I am to them.

Then in April 2016 exactly 7 months later I found out I was pregnant again. I was in total shock as we wasn’t expecting it and then I got scared what if it happened again? Could I cope if it happened again, a second time around? I was petrified and was giving myself anxiety over it. I couldn’t accept or allow myself to bond with my little baby until I had my first scan and was told everything was okay. I felt like I couldn’t cope with heartbreak again.

I went to my doctors and spoke with my family and close friends also and they where amazing and gave me all the support I needed. I am so lucky to have such a good support network. 

I had a successful pregancy and in November 2016 our little rainbow baby Layla was born.

The term rainbow baby is used by parents who are expecting or have had a baby after miscarraige, stillbirth or neonatal death. The term refers to the fact that a rainbow appears only after the rain.

So I suppose what I am trying to get at, that even in the darkest moment of grief for a little person you have never got to know, there is a light that will shine through and although you will never forget you will move on and be happy.

For anyone who is struggling from a miscarriage please go and get some support. I did and I honestly don’t think I would of gotten through it without asking for help when I needed it. It’s not something to be ashamed of. Your human and everyone needs a little help from time to time even more so when it’s grief related. 


The journey begins…

So it’s 399 days till our holiday. I’ve started to feel all fat and frumpy and exhausted all the time (think having a 7 year old and 8 month old has something to do with that though). 

So I’ve decided time to change. I want to lose weight. So by the time I’m due to go on holiday I want to lose by the time I go on holiday… 3st 6lb / 48lb

That’s 57 weeks from today… totally do able right?

(This was me on the 21st July 2017 at Alton towers.)

Saying how much weight I want to lose out loud seems impossible and I’m not quite sure how I’m going to do it. Used to do slimming world but now I have two beautiful babies and their daddy works nights I wouldn’t have anyone to watch the kids while I went to a meeting. I don’t want to just live on salads either… I love eating nice foods so although I think my target is totally doable at the same time I’m rather scared I won’t achieve it.

So I’m not quite sure what to do so for now I’m just going to cut back on all I know isn’t very good to aid my weight loss. 

Any advice would be great. Anything that isn’t going to cost would be ideal with paying for a holiday and all that.

Let this journey begin… the weekly updates commence…..


Should parents be allowed to get their baby girls ears pierced?

So there is a lot of heated debates over social media at the moment on the topic of if parents should get their babies ears pierced or not. (Above picture is not of my baby by the way).

I personally don’t see what the big deal is. Each to their own. If the parents want to do that’s their choice and if when the baby is older no longer wants to wear earrings they can just take them out.

Maybe my opinion is based because my parents had my ears pierced when I was 6 months old. I certainly don’t hold it against them for doing it and if anything I’m greatful now I’m older because I can pick and choose if I wear earrings or not now as my piercing never closes up. 

The NHS say it’s a safe procedure providing its carried out by a liscenced practioner.

I haven’t got my daughters ears pierced but then if I do or don’t that’s mine and her daddy’s choice as her parents.

I’d love to hear what your views are…


Sex after birthing a baby!!

So it’s been 6 months to the day since our little Layla was born and I have had a moment tonight to reflect on what my body actually went though that day and how the thought of being intimate after giving birth can scare the life out of anyone who’s just pushed a real life person out your vagina/flower/mooey/peanut what ever you people call yours.

Despite begging the midwives to sew your flaps shut so you never have to experience pain like that again they decline, to then to just ask to add a extra stitch to make sure your not loose for that all important reunion of cock meeting fanny after the recent mutalation. They reassure you that if you do go on to have another the next baby it won’t just fall out and that your fanny will, at some point – go back to ‘normal.’ You may not believe it at the time but it is true 😬

For the first couple of weeks, your fanny will be the last thing on anyone’s mind – except of course, yours – every time your beautiful battered front bottom touches a seat and you feel like you’ve sat on glass. Having to find that comfy spot to have a pee meaning one cheek resting on the seat while the other leg is up in the air and your having to pour warm water down your fanny while you pee to stop that all mighty sting… it isn’t pretty girls. No one informs you how unglamorous it is to have a child from a woman’s point of view. 

As a result, your mind will not be on sex at this period of your life more wishing the day where you could feel human having a pee rather than feeling like a dog cocking it’s leg to have a pee or being able to sit down without making that crap I didn’t sit down properly squeak.

But Life is a cruel mistress, and a mistress that favours mankind and their serpents – because while you are wincing everytime you perch anywhere, your partners dick has remained unscathed from the act of making babies and every opportunity that snake in his pants has it will grow when your in his presence to remind you it’s still there and it’s ready to devour its prey…

So a man has needs (like they keep on and on and on reminding us about), and you can only put off a mans need to hump for so long.

However If he ever says your fanny may be out of action but your mouth is not… give him I can’t believe you fucking said that to me and if you put that devil stick anywhere near my face I’m going to bite it off you cheeky git and I will make you wait even bloody longer stare! Cause Let’s face it men can be so selfish sometimes 😂

So you put a brave face on and decide to take one for the team because you feel this isn’t going to be pretty. It isn’t. Your partners face though is likely to look like they are about to have Birthday, Christmas and new year all wrapped up into one evening and after giving strict instructions to your lover not to touch your legs (hairy) or tits (aching and most likely milking) you engage in the ol’ slap and tickle. With minimal slapping and/or tickling. 

Thinking about it though it would be funny to solider through the tit pain just so u can get him in the face with your breast milk… 10 points for anywhere on the face, extra 25 for the eyes, 15 up the nose and 50 if u get it in his mouth 🙊 

But Lets be real ok, it was never gonna be a hot passionate session with your souls reconnecting in a way that makes the stars shine and your legs go weak. It’ll probably feel like your Partner has introduced a red hot poker up your chuff, but don’t PANIC. 

Forget about your titties nesting in your armpits, because it’ll feel alright again the next time or at some point before your kid moves out or in most cases brings the new girlfriend/boyfriend into the home and they start having their own little family.

Forget about the feeling of why am I allowing something shoved in when I’ve just shoved my baby out… I don’t want another one in there!! Accidents do happen you know. 

You see people a fanny is a magical thing, they change and they grow and they do crazy stuff – some fannies are experts at ejecting babies and others make their name ejecting ping pong balls (personally I think ping pong balls are not very ambitious when us women pop babies out but hey that’s me!)

Sooooo it feels horrendous the first time, uncomfortable and your so tense because you think it’s going to make you scream (not in the way your thinking about either dirty.. but in pure pain) but you have a kid now – so you can avoid it forever by hearing ‘baby cries’ or accept that you will be having quickies for the next 18 years. 

And by quickies I literally do mean the 5 minutes you get while peppa pigs on and you know damn well your child isnt going to shout spit shit or want for anything while those annoying little pigs jump in those bloody muddy puddles!

Look at it this way, if it felt dreadful forever then no one would ever have more than one kid would they? 

Heres mine and Ben’s little cockblocks. And I honestly wouldn’t change them for the world they mean everything to me.

And just remember girls if all else fails and you don’t get your mo-jo back you can always get him a Harmony Robot 😂😂😂


When should you get your child a mobile phone?

So when is the right time to get your child a mobile phone?

Riley has just turned 7 and seems to think he is now old enough for a mobile phone! I don’t think so little man.

As a business women where I earn a living from selling mobile contracts with the major networks to those that have their own business or are self employed I’m surrounded by mobiles on daily basis (www.rightplancomms.co.uk). 

I have my own mobile phone. So am I being hypercritical for denying my son a mobile phone?

Hear me out. Firstly he’s 7! Am I wrong for wanting to protect him for as long as possible from the world of social media and maybe online bullying? 

You hear over and over again on documentaries and the news of children being bullied online so they have no escape.  Online bullying that can cause so many issues for a child mentally where a percentage of children take their own life!! They can’t even be at home to get away from the bullying which should feel the safest place in the world for any child. So am I not doing a good thing keeping our home this safe place for him for as long as possible by blocking his online access?

Don’t get me wrong Riley has a PS4 that he can play games etc on but we have not signed him up with a online profile so he cannot play games and talk to people around the world. I’m absolutely terrified of all this online grooming that goes on. 

He also has a IPad that he has family members numbers on so he can use FaceTime, children’s YouTube so I can keep an eye and allow what he watches and again he has games on here. He knows the rules when it comes to the Ipad. If he plays a game where other people can interact with him (roblox) he is only allowed to play these in the presence of an adult. If he breaks this rule he losses his iPad for a week and that game gets removed!

I personally don’t think a child needs a mobile until they start secondary school (around 12/13 years old). Even then though I will still try to protect both my children for as long as possible. I feel in today’s era our children are growing up well before needed. Keep them as children for as long as possible I say. 

So unfortunately Riley you have a while yet before mummy and daddy get you a mobile phone. Much to his disappointment. He will just have to make do with what he’s got! 

Am I being to strict? Am I not being strict enough? What’s your views and tips about this topic I would love to hear them.