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Pregnancy after miscarriage

Continuing on from my posts over the last few weeks my next topic I would like to talk about is pregnancy after miscarriage.

As you will know from reading my previous blogs. In September 2015 I suffered a miscarraige, which led me to be hospitalised.

The thought of ever being pregnant again after that experience scared the hell out of me. Would the baby be okay this time? Would I cope with the worry? Could I go through heartbreak again if anything went wrong? So many questions nobody could possibly have the answers to. I think the thought of not having any control over the situation completely terrified me the most.

Well in March 2016 after what I thought to be a sickness bug I caught off of Riley and couldn’t shift I went to the doctors where they told me to do a test (I couldn’t look) had a feel of my tummy and told me I was around 10 weeks pregnant! You have to be kidding me I was out the previous weekend for my best friends birthday and drunk extremely heavily. I was in complete shock and then overcome with guilt what had I done? What damage could I of done to my unborn baby? I didn’t even know I was pregnant due to my PCOS (please refer to my previous post Living With PCOS) my periods where so irregular. I sat infront of the doctor and sobbed. 

After sitting with the doctor for 10 minutes explaining my feelings and her reassuring me and giving me some advice and information on pregancy after miscarriage I felt more positive and left the doctors.

As soon as I left I called Ben (he was working away) and told him our news. He was absolutely over the moon and said he guessed I may of been due to being a dragon the last few weeks. 

When he came home we sat down and talked about our news and explained how I was feeling he was so amazing he seemed to understand where I was coming from, supported me and it was agreed we wouldn’t make our news public until we had our first scan. We just told close family and friends (those that are always there for us). 

Up until we had our first scan I found it extremely hard to feel excited or accept it if I’m honest even though my morning sickness was in full swing. I struggled to even talk about being pregnant with those nearest and dearest to me in case they could sense the lack of excitement in my voice. I just had to keep my wall up in case I’m dealt with heart brake again and I didn’t know if my heart could take it again. I was extremely emotional constantly thinking of the what if’s but I had no control over what happened and all I wanted more than anything was that sense of control.

Ben and my dad was the only ones I really opened up to and in all honestly without them I do feel I would of had a break down. It’s really important to open up to someone, anyone!

There support and everyone else’s was amazing and really helped me get over the feelings I was having but what really helped was going to the hospital for my first scan and the lady tell me our baby was healthy and has a strong heartbeat. The weight that lifted off my shoulders at that very moment words cannot describe. I held Ben’s hand watched our little baby on the screen and saw the little heartbeat flicker and I sobbed my heart out with relief and joy. My wall had finally came crashing down and it sunk in. I was pregnant, I was going to be a mum again, Ben was going to be a dad again and Riley was finally going to be a big brother. 

It finally sunk in we where having a little rainbow baby.


We got our pictures and made a special photo for Riley to finally share our news with him. We was so excited to tell him.

Look at his little face he was so happy to know he was going to be a big brother. I just hope and prayed that nothing went wrong now it was all out in the open.

Our little baby was perfectly fine and healthy my whole pregancy. I didn’t have a easy pregancy (but that’s for another blog).

However I did struggle with my emotions. I was like a yo-yo one minute I was extremely happy and excited and the next I was worrying and scared and trapped in my own thoughts. I felt terrible as I felt I was bringing a downer on our happy occasion for Ben and that made me sad and emotional to. Even if I was Ben didn’t show it and continued to support me throughout. He was sensitive a listening ear honestly I cannot phrase him enough for all he done for me and put up with. He truly was my rock. 

We had a healthy baby girl in November 2016 and she was absolutely perfect and healthy. I finally had our rainbow baby in my arms and I felt like I was never going to let her go. 

If anyone is currently thinking about pregancy after miscarriage you can do it don’t doubt yourself! 

If anyone is currently pregnant with their own rainbow baby firstly congratulations and secondly don’t overthink things you have no control over and talk, talk to your partner, family members, friends and doctors of your feelings and worrys it’s natural to feel the way you do. But most of all enjoy your pregancy and bond with your baby. 

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Registry of a baby’s death


Following on from my post last week about my personal experience of miscarrying mine and Ben’s baby. I now want to talk about an issue many parents face in the aftermath of miscarraige, stillborn death or neonatal death.

So in England and Wales you can only register your baby’s death after the 24th week of pregnancy. 

Therefore meaning anyone who loses their baby before the 24th week of pregancy you cannot register the death and therefore your baby’s existence isn’t on record.. it’s like they never existed and this makes me extremely sad. 

The reason this makes me feel sad is because a mother and father can find out the sex of their baby from 16 weeks. From 16 weeks you can know if your having a little boy or a little girl, you can give them a name and in your eyes they are then a proper little person. But in the eyes of the law they are not until after 24 weeks. This needs to change.

I really strongly believe that the law needs to change that from 16 weeks parents can register the death of there baby rather than 24. Parents need to feel that their baby has been recognised and their baby did exist and if future family members trace their family tree that little one will appear future generations will know that baby existed! 

Although I lost my baby at just 7 weeks. I did not have a name and I did not know the sex although I know they existed how can I want the death to be registered when I don’t even know that information? I lost my baby within the first 12 weeks of pregnancy which is thought to be the time in which you are at the highest risk of miscarriage. 

SANDS (Stillbirth & neonatal death charity) works hard supporting families after such a traumatising time and helps educate parents to recognise signs something isn’t right during pregancy. They really are brilliant. If you would like to read more about what they do or make a donation Click here.

This charity also offer a document that can be issued to anyone that has had a loss that cannot be registered.

What are your thoughts on this issue? Have you suffered a loss before 24 weeks, how did you feel about not being able to register you baby’s existence? 

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Miscarriage


For those that don’t know a miscarriage is the loss of a pregnancy during the first 23 weeks.

I feel miscarraige needs to be spoken about more publicly as for some reason many still see this as a tabo subject. Having personally experienced a miscarraige I hope anyone reading this it gives you some support knowing your not on your own and some useful information.

Miscarriage is actually more common than you realise. According to the NHS website among women who know they are pregnant, it is estimated one in six of these pregnancies end in miscarriage and many more occur before a woman is even aware she is pregnant. 

However having three or more miscarriages in a row (recurrent miscarriages) is uncommon and only affects one in a hundred women.

On the 8th September 2015 exactly two years ago today I miscarried Mine & Ben’s 2nd baby at 7weeks. It was the most heartbreaking situation I have ever been in. Going to what should of been the most happiest time of my life seeing a little baby on the screen turnt into absolute heart break when you are told “I’m extremely sorry but there is no heartbeat”. It’s the most earth shattering news ever. 

I was asked if I wanted to see the screen but I was overcome with grief for my little baby I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was given some information and contact numbers of support groups and told what to expect with passing a miscarriage naturally at home. However this wasn’t to be the case for me. I went home to deal with my grief and at that moment in time all I wanted was to go home and hug Riley (my son) really tight and tell him how much I loved him.

I cried.. ALOT. Blamed myself.. ALOT. Was it something I did? I was overcome with grief and guilt I just wanted to shut the world out. 

Please do NOT ever blame yourself. No one can tell you why a miscarriage exactly happens but doctors believe that most happen because of abnormal chromosomes. 

I was admitted to hospital that night due to the amount of pain I was in and the amount of blood I lost. At hospital I had to have my little baby surgically removed from me (which you are awake for). I was crying my eyes out signing the consent form for them to do the procedure and during the whole procedure for that matter. I lost a large amount of blood and nearly had to have a blood transfusion but luckily the doctors stopped the bleeding. I felt like I was scarred for life and at that time felt I could never go through another pregancy ever again (but I did).

I remember an old lady midwife come to me after the doctor had finished. She reminded me of my Nan. She mothered me, comforted me and was really there for me at the worst time of my life. There was nothing she wouldn’t do to help. A complete stranger to me but a little lady who was just doing her job. I was so vulnerable at this time in my life I felt weak mentally and physically. I could break at any moment but I really feel like I couldn’t of got through that lonely time in hospital without her. She helped clean me up, she gave me a cuddle, let me just cry on her shoulder and she gave me kind words and helped me feel like the world wasn’t against me and I wasn’t alone and it definitely wasn’t my fault. 

All the staff at the Princess Anne Hospital that looked after me that night and day I honestly cannot thank enough. They were kind and sensitive and really helped me open up and provided much needed advice and comfort every woman in that situation needs. Your all an asset to the NHS & if any of them ever get to read this THANK YOU!

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and for whatever reason it was not my time to become a mummy again. Having this outlook on the situation did help give me some comfort and the fact I had absolutely amazing family and friends who went above and beyond for me words can never explain how thankful I am to them.

Then in April 2016 exactly 7 months later I found out I was pregnant again. I was in total shock as we wasn’t expecting it and then I got scared what if it happened again? Could I cope if it happened again, a second time around? I was petrified and was giving myself anxiety over it. I couldn’t accept or allow myself to bond with my little baby until I had my first scan and was told everything was okay. I felt like I couldn’t cope with heartbreak again.

I went to my doctors and spoke with my family and close friends also and they where amazing and gave me all the support I needed. I am so lucky to have such a good support network. 

I had a successful pregancy and in November 2016 our little rainbow baby Layla was born.

The term rainbow baby is used by parents who are expecting or have had a baby after miscarraige, stillbirth or neonatal death. The term refers to the fact that a rainbow appears only after the rain.

So I suppose what I am trying to get at, that even in the darkest moment of grief for a little person you have never got to know, there is a light that will shine through and although you will never forget you will move on and be happy.

For anyone who is struggling from a miscarriage please go and get some support. I did and I honestly don’t think I would of gotten through it without asking for help when I needed it. It’s not something to be ashamed of. Your human and everyone needs a little help from time to time even more so when it’s grief related. 

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My super Sunday πŸŽπŸ’¨

So today we went to Beaulieu Supercar weekend. It isn’t something we usually do but we all absolutely loved it and are 100% doing it next year! Would recommend anyone who can to go.


We saw lots of lovely cars watched them speed down the stretch and watched them have a sound off in the main arena area.

Got lots of pictures of riley with the cars even saw a car with a number plate with nearly his name. He was so proud as you can see below.


He even got to sit in some of the cars and meet the drivers. Below is the guy who does a lot of YouTube videos.


Layla encountered grass for the very first time too when we sat and had our picnic. She froze when she was on her belly didn’t move a muscle (I need a patch in my flat for when I need to get on πŸ˜‚) but she enjoyed it and after trying to stop her eating the grass for about 100 times we opted to feed her ice cream. 

By the end of the day though Rileys legs stopped working and Layla was evicted from her chair so riley could get pushed about. If only it was that easy for us adults.


But do you know what made today even more special? I finally got to meet my auntie (mums half sister) and her little family for the very first time. She was adopted as a baby and with thanks to my dad we finally met each other.

It was like an episode out of the UK programme long lost families and it wasn’t awkward or anything felt normal and like we’ve always known each other. I can’t wait to meet up again and get to know each other more.

So Today has been amazing and I’m going to bed knackered and sunburnt πŸ™ˆ but with a very big smile on my face.

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Celine Dion Live 2017

So on Saturday 29th July 2017 my lovely daddy treated me to see Celine Dion at the London O2 arena.

My dad absolutely loves her music and I was brought up listening to it. When I was younger I remember travelling to Blackbush market singing at the top of my lungs with my friends Beki & Sammie. Good job dad didn’t record us we must of sounded like a cats chior!

My dad had only been to her concert 5 weeks earlier on his own but when he heard she added some extra dates well he just had to go again and take me along too. I’m such a lucky girl.

As usual he got his PA to book the tickets. His PA is me by the way I think he would be totally lost without me sometimes. His age shows sometimes (only joking dad).

We travelled up (Southampton to London can be a bit of a drive) had something to eat before going through security to get our seats.

Going through security was an experience. I went through no problems, dad went through and the lady said sorry sir I’m going to have to give you a quick pat down. Always has to be my dad. Anyway she patted my dad down and turns round “sir you have something hard in your pocket” my dad being the filthy minded bugger he is started to giggle said I know story of my life love and pulled out a packet of polo mints. To say me, dad and the people around had a giggle while the poor lady looked embarrassed was a understatement. 

We went to the block 101 of the London O2 arena and was directed to our seats. We was getting closer and closer to the front and I could actually see my dads smile getting bigger and bigger. We was so close to the stage we felt we had hit the jackpot.


We was actually going to see her in person and we could actually watch the lady herself rather than the big screens. We couldn’t wait and was definetly counting our lucky stars.

So at 8pm the support act came on to warm the crowd up. Wow she was amazing herself and I would actually pay money to see her in her own concert. She was a song impersonator and she was bloody brilliant.


That’s her…. she sung songs of SIA / Susan Boyle / Whitney / Tina Turner / Mariah / Adele and so on. She sounded just like them. (Below is a sneak peak of her.. can you guess who she’s singing?).

​After her the lady herself came on stage. Our seats didn’t disappoint we actually watched the lady herself preform right in front of us. We didn’t need to look at the big screens provided once! (The pics do not do her justice)


She preformed all the classics, told us how much she respects the song writer Pink for writing a song to help her cope with the death of her husband. She was absolutely brilliant and may I just say she can sing live. Her voice is just as amazing live as you hear on TV / CDs / Radio and her music DVDs etc. Her concert was probably the best concert I have ever been to (and I’ve been to a few). I will treat you to a snippet of her singing live to the classic beauty and the beast. Honestly if you like her music and ever get the opportunity GO AND SEE HER!!

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I throughly enjoyed the whole evening. But do you know the best bit of all? I got to spend some quality time with my daddy and make a memory that only the two of us will share for the rest of our lives. 


Its definetly been one to remember and one I will forever cherish. Thank you and I love you dad xx

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The journey begins…

So it’s 399 days till our holiday. I’ve started to feel all fat and frumpy and exhausted all the time (think having a 7 year old and 8 month old has something to do with that though). 

So I’ve decided time to change. I want to lose weight. So by the time I’m due to go on holiday I want to lose by the time I go on holiday… 3st 6lb / 48lb

That’s 57 weeks from today… totally do able right?


(This was me on the 21st July 2017 at Alton towers.)

Saying how much weight I want to lose out loud seems impossible and I’m not quite sure how I’m going to do it. Used to do slimming world but now I have two beautiful babies and their daddy works nights I wouldn’t have anyone to watch the kids while I went to a meeting. I don’t want to just live on salads either… I love eating nice foods so although I think my target is totally doable at the same time I’m rather scared I won’t achieve it.

So I’m not quite sure what to do so for now I’m just going to cut back on all I know isn’t very good to aid my weight loss. 

Any advice would be great. Anything that isn’t going to cost would be ideal with paying for a holiday and all that.

Let this journey begin… the weekly updates commence…..

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Should parents be allowed to get their baby girls ears pierced?

So there is a lot of heated debates over social media at the moment on the topic of if parents should get their babies ears pierced or not. (Above picture is not of my baby by the way).

I personally don’t see what the big deal is. Each to their own. If the parents want to do that’s their choice and if when the baby is older no longer wants to wear earrings they can just take them out.

Maybe my opinion is based because my parents had my ears pierced when I was 6 months old. I certainly don’t hold it against them for doing it and if anything I’m greatful now I’m older because I can pick and choose if I wear earrings or not now as my piercing never closes up. 

The NHS say it’s a safe procedure providing its carried out by a liscenced practioner.

I haven’t got my daughters ears pierced but then if I do or don’t that’s mine and her daddy’s choice as her parents.

I’d love to hear what your views are…